hold tight.

hold tight.
don't let go.
for things happen for a reason :)

life of a teenager is more than a roller coaster.
in secondary school, all you do is watch friendships go down the drain and all of sudden everything becomes alright.
everything is filled with drama, filled with lies.
so much of tear shed for things that are not even worth it.
this is the time when you find friends who are loyal to you.
this is the time when you find friends who backstab you behind your back.
to me, this is the time you find your weaknesses and change to be a better person.

this is the place where you meet all sorts of people who have different characters, different personalities.
when i leave secondary school, i bet i will meet more people who are worst than this.
that is life.


oh my goodness, miss gorgeous have been superb crazy these few days.
she knocked her head on the table during our biology lesson.
she is crazy.
actually, i cannot take it too.
i don't understand what she teaches us, all she does is just talk nonsense.
and she speaks in malay all the time.
don't teacher's know we're answering our exam in english ?!
this is so annoying.
she pronounces everything wrong and miss gorgeous laughes whenever she says those words.
she cannot even pronounce parenchyma properly.
i think i am gonna faint.
i just hope we get back our old teacher as the time table is going to be reshuffled again.
*crosses fingers*
my class teacher has been missing most of the time.
it is so hard to look for him !
he's always somewhere else when i want to look for him.
i don't know whether he is suffering from any illnesses , but i hope not.
he has lost a lot of weight and i am kinda worried for him.
i just pray that he will be in school more often !

times have changed.
changed to a world filled with condemnation, anger, hatred, bitterness.
what happened to the world who once God created was filled with peace, love , patience ?


i wonder why you made that decision.
is it because you want to break her heart unintenionally ?
do you know how much she still cares for you ?
i bet you don't know.
the only words that you only know are "you didn't love me at all."
where was she when you needed her ?
she was there right beside you.
but in the end, all you told her was "you didn't love me at all. "?
seriously ?
she always helped you but you have never realised, never cared.
where were you when she needed you ?
were you there?
no you were not.
not a single time.
this is why she chose to keep everything to herself and not letting go.
do you know how sad this is ?
to watch with your own eyes and hear with your own ears ?
i bet you don't know how much pain she is going through.
you will never understand.
no one will ever understand the heart of a woman.






please tell me you didn't forget.

waiting for you to say those words again :)

you're the reason that i am not afraid to fly <3

that's about it.
thanks for dropping by and God bless all of you !


<3,
miss awesome.

insecure.

insecure.
i feel so insecure.
it doesn't feel right.
and i don't know why.
am i just thinking too much ?
i think i am.


school was fantastic :)
miss gorgeous laughed so much today.
she was crazy !
it's like a daily routine already.
to laugh like idiots.

went to buy my sport shoes today.
sadly, there is no SIZE.
it was either too big or too small.
i was so angry !
the one i fell in love with was no where to be found.
i was so upset.
so so so upset.
it's time to go shopping again ! :D

so that's about it.
thanks for dropping by and God bless all of you :)

i have finally learnt to accept things and continue smiling no matter what. :)

<3,
miss awesome.

enough of this shit.

enough of this shit.
in the morning, i was extremely excited to go to church.
then everything turn out to be so bad.
i wished i could run away to somewhere else.
i don't wanna hear anymore screams.
i had enough.

i can't wait till all of this is over and i could leave this place.
leave and never come back.
the pain and sadness cannot be described.
everything that's happening makes me feel like there is no hope anymore.
no love, no joy, no peace, no serenity.
this place is supposed to be filled with joy and happiness.
but sadly, it is all the other way around.


she told me, "hey, why do you even bother ?"
i bother cause i care.
and it doesn't even deserve my time or care.
you always think that i will never be angry.
sometimes, i really do.
and i chose to keep it to myself.
is this worth it ?
are you worth it ?

i am so tired of this.
i don't understand and i don't want to either.
can you please just go away ?
i guess you are smart enough to know your limits.
i am not making my own conclusions.
i tried , i really did try to accept what is happening.
but i can't.
i am so sick and tired of this.
just leave me alone please.
i am none of your business.
just stay away.
i would really appreciate it.


thank you for dropping by.

sick of your lies. 

sick of my life. 

<3,
miss awesome. 

time to let go before my volcano explodes.

time to let go before my volcano explodes.
yes, i am going to explode.
i am about to explode.
so if you add salt , pepper or whatsoever , YOU ARE DEAD.
i tell you, YOU ARE DEAD.
so let me update you about what the heck is happening right now.

firstly, you.
bloody idiot.
stop trying to mess my life.
so what if i am not popular ?
why the heck do you care if i am not ? 
i don't care whether you are popular or not.
just keep your ass some where else.
i would really appreciate it.
bitch, GET LOST.
it is not freaking necessary for you to tell the whole world.
just shut up.
keep those stuff to yourself.
go and bother someone else's life.
not mine.
don't play a fool with me.
if you are so fucking lonely then go grab a guy from a street and fuck him okay ?
be happy.
and seriously, FUCK OFF YOU BITCH.

secondly, you.
another idiot.
i don't know what the heck to say about you anymore.
i don't get why is she still holding on unto this shit when she knows this is not going anywhere ?
just let it go !
look at what he does !
he is such a disgrace.
i don't know who ever gave him a compliment before.
everyone hates him.
including me.
you were never a good example, so what do you want me to learn from you ?
you want me to learn the shit that you do ?
be a disgrace to my own family ?
everyone doesn't even respect you.
the work of your hands make other people lose trust in you.
i have lost it many years ago.
you are a person who will never gain respect from anyone.
anyone at all.
you always ask me to look for your stuff and when i don't find it, you blame me.
if you knew this was going to happen, then go look for it yourself.
stop dragging me into your shit and destroying my day.
you are heartless.
you never put love and care to the things that you do.
neither do you love the people around you.
you never did.
the person you only love is yourself.
you are so rich now you don't care about anyone else but yourself.
seriously ?
can't you see that she needs help ?
no , you are blind.
somehow you just can't see things that you need to see.
you are so into you and you only.
nothing else.
i never saw you doing anything that benefits another person.
seriously.
i never did.
so selfish.
i can't take the fact that i am a part of you.
i really can't .
i kept on questioning God, why me ?
i really want to know the reason why i am going through this.

thirdly, you.
i don't know what to say to you.
all i want you to know is that i am greatly disappointed in you.
i don't know why this is happening.
i am going through things that i don't need to go through.
you were never ever there for me.
thanks alot.


exams are coming.
i never touched a single book nor read a single word.
i don't give a damn about the monthly test.
just want to be done with it.
due to the complaints from the mum's of my classmates.
we have another teacher coming in to teach uus modern maths.
i ain't happy.
i really ain't happy.
why want to complain ?
we already know the reason why there are no substitute teachers !
it is cause the government is not going to send anymore teachers to our school !
don't you people understand english or what ?
then there was another day when i came into the class.
it was so messy and pissed me off.
there were some stuff stuck unto the walls of our class.
even below the whiteboard.
why is the afternoon section teacher doing all these nonsense and making our class look like a class in kindergarden.
this is not a funny matter.
the things keep on falling off and we need to pick up all those nonsense.
if it gets on my nerve one day, i am gonna burn them all.
then there are teachers who enters our class and i don't understand a single thing he / she is teaching !
it's like they are talking in alien language !
sometimes in malay, sometimes in english.
in out exams when we answer in both languages, you give us a big cross !
don't you teachers know that that is how you teach us ?
that's the way you teach us, that's the way we answer.

so yeah.
as you can see, i am really on fire.
i can really burst anytime soon.
so leave me alone.
stay out of my way.
stop putting your ass into my world.
get lost.

thanks for dropping by.

<3,
miss awesome.

exhausted!

exhausted !
my school had organized a cross country run which was only 3.7 kilometres.
thank goodness it was so short !
i aimed for top ten this year but sadly i didn't get it.
many students planned to run this year !
so in the end i got number 12 !
did my best :)
then i waited for miss gorgeous to come back to school and we went to eat and stuff like that.
we went to parade after the event, it seems that teachers told us it would end earlier..
YEAH RIGHT !
we were so bored and had nothing to do.
and when we did, we had to go home. =/
so yeah.
such a tiring day.

that's all for now!
will update soon :)
thanks for dropping by and God bless all of you ! :D

 baby, i miss you.

<3,
miss awesome.

600 seconds.

600 seconds.
i watched the clock tick tock and just wishing time would pass faster during chemistry class.
i am sorry teacher, i don't understand what you are teaching us !
i miss my old teacher.
she made me love chemistry and now everything has changed and i hate  it so badly now.
school was so terribly boring until.... EVERYONE WAS CRAZY !
we laughed and chase each other around school like nobody's business !
WE WERE INSANE !
and we call ourselves form 5 when we act like we are only 5.
we were all eating and going psycho and my classmates think i am nuts.
cause i usually don't allow them to eat.
but who the heck bothers ?
IT IS FRIDAY !
thank goodness there were no teachers around, we would have gotten demerits.
haha.
we laughed like crazy and i even sat on the floor laughing non stop.
one of the best days in school i will never forget. :)
our school is having a cross country run tomorrow.
aiming for top ten again *cross fingers* .
here i comeeeeeeee :D

that's all for now.
thanks for dropping by and God bless all of you !

<3,
miss awesome.

more than just words.

more than just words.
words can't show you how much i love you.
words can't express the love i have for you.
you are one in a million, always will remain that way.
i wish i can always be in your arms.
laughing away at random stuff.
being happy like i never used to be.
i have no idea what to write now.
i have never felt so in love before.
thank you for always being there for me.

you are the best chirstmas present i have ever had. <3

<3,
miss awesome.

dear miss gorgeous :)

dear miss gorgeous,
why worry so much ?
don't be !
just go on with it and see what happens :)
you are not destroying your life, don't think of it that way.
you are just writing pages of your life and when you look back, you will smile.
this is a life of a teenager.
I'll always be there for you :)

pinky promise. 

<3,
miss awesome.

i just hope that the smile on my face can mask all the pain.

i just hope that my smile on my face can mask all my pain.
i don't know what to do, i don't know what to say.
it's so sad for me to see her drown in sadness.
all i can do is watch and do nothing.
i don't know how to make her feel better, i don't know what i should do.
i still can't accept the fact that you said you have never loved her.
are you blind ?
she has done so much for you and all you could say is that she never loved you ?
you are a person who doesn't deserve my sympathy.
i don't sympathise you at all.
you deserved what you are going through now.
do me a favour to stop being a pain in my butt.
can't you just appreciate what she has done for you ?
just a simple thank you won't do you any harm.
will it ?
show some appreciation for goodness sake.
you are worthless.

so, let me update you about what had happened today.
i went to parade with miss gorgeous to have our lunch.
we ate in sushi king !
and we while we were waiting to pay our bill, guess who we saw ?
TEACHERS.
the first thing i thought of was, great we're doomed.
all the teachers know both of us and that ain't good.
we gave them a broad smile !
thank goodness we were not accompanied by any guys.
fuhhh.
we continually bumped into a lot of girls from our school.
so we asked them whether they have seen the teachers and so on.
they have met them, and those unlucky ones got scolding from the teachers.
but hey, what is wrong with us going there ?
we were only having lunch and going back to school !
mannn.
it's either they have nothing else to do or decided to spy on the students.
great , just great.
everyone is complaining now.
but i don't give a damn anymore.
it is over and done with.
so then we went back to school and it is time to do some exercise !
i wasn't looking forward to it.
i knew that it was going to be superb hot and I'll be lazy.
and i saw you.
it is already the third time.
i have no idea whether this is good or bad.
i just pray that the feelings won't come back.


valentine's day is just around the corner !
i can't wait :)
i love you lots biee.

so that's about it !
thanks for dropping by and God bless all of you !

<3,
miss awesome.

a week of madness.

a week of madness.
so much of homework, so much to catch up on.
sickening, really sickening.
i am so lazy to study, lazy to even flip the first page of the book open.
i really regret taking science stream for what i want to be in the future has nothing to do with science.
guess i still have live with it.

i want to be a pastor in the future.
some people don't believe me, some think i am crazy ?
some even said that this kind of job can't earn much.
but hey, i am doing this for God and not for the sake of money.
money ain't everything.
i have made this decision because i am inspired by the people who are so passionate for Him.
i want to be an inspiration to others.
i want to help youths who are lost.
i know this is a hard thing to do but i am ready for it. :)

the weather is so hot !
i cannot take this heat. =/
i hope and pray that the temperature will reduce in time.

holidays are over.
time to go back to school and rot.
i guess it's better than staying at home and facing the computer all the time.

that's all for now.
i will update when i have the time :)
stay tuned !
thanks for dropping by and God bless all of you :D

<3,
miss awesome.

i am greatly disappointed in you.

I am greatly disappointed in you.
How many times do you want to do this to me ?
Is this a joking matter to you ?
Are you testing me ?
or are you just trying to make my life more miserable?
Please stop doing this.
i can't take this anymore.
I really can't.

Thanks for dropping by and God bless all of you :)

<3,
Miss awesome.