Hello World.

Hello World.

i have not been blogging for a long period of time as i had issues with my laptop.
i finally got a new laptop now.
so blessed, so blessed.

i am currently studying in a different state, therefore, new people, new experiences, new knowledge.
i am truly blessed as i am fortunate to have the opportunity to even come here when many are not able to.
in my college, sometimes it so heartbroken to see that all those who are born into a wealthy family, all who have been fed with a silver spoon, take so many things for granted.
they act as if things fall from the sky.
well, these people will never learn , would they?

life has been truly awesome here, i can never ask for more.
i have met all sorts of people here.
people who back stabs you.
people who lie to you.
people who trust you.
people who take you for granted.
people who would never appreciate your hard work.
people who are selfish.
people who are superb greedy.
and people who love you.
basically, you meet the whole world here.
something to prepare you to face the world outside.
the cold cold world outside.

when i first came here, i was truly excited, anticipating what will come next in this new aspect of life.
of course i do miss home and the people i love.
the only thing i have never regretted since i came here is that i broke up with my ex.
if i have not mistaken,i must have spoken about him somewhere in the history of this blog.
i believe i said something like i will love him forever and he is the one for me or some bullshit like that.
well, i guess i was too young and immature to think about all that stuff and so i broke it off with him.
that process ain't that easy but how can i go on when i already know that he isn't right for me?
he does not even earn any money and when i think about the future, i wonder how would i survive.
many people have already told me, "hey, he isn't the one for you."
who would ever listen and obey to that?
obviously i didn't until i started to wake up after i came here.
that's a start to a new life.

i met a lot of nice guys here.
not to forget the guys who are a lil crazy.
then there we go again.
i fell in love.
this time, i can guarantee you that it is so different.
i have been in this relationship for five months now.
this is my longest relationship so far.
he is such a blessing to my life.
he is now fetching me to and fro to college.
he is truly a blessing to me.
we had a lot of ups and downs and strongly kept this relationship going.
you might not see him as someone who looks like Chris Hemsworth or someone who is as wealthy as Oprah but i see him as someone perfect to me.
that is all that matters.

this is all for now.
to all of you out there who are struggling in your life, remember that there is a God who is always there for you.
Philippians 4:13 , I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Amen.

signing off,
Ann.

hello, oh hello!

i have been missing but now, I AM BACK.
i have been enjoying my college life so far despite of all the dramas in college.
well, ain't that typical?
it has been hard but it ain't stopping me from anything.

well, there is nothing more than that.

it's time to change the world.

signing off,
Ann.

saying goodbye isn't an easy thing.

saying goodbye isn't an easy thing.
therefore saying goodbye to last year wasn't easy.
I can ever afford to let those memories to fade away just like that.
but time pass so fast.
so hard to keep those things in mind.

this is a new year.
a new beginning to a start of a new year.
ironic, how things are.
new year is a special day for everyone and it is suppose to be a happy and joyous day.
for me?
it turn out terribly.
sad.

nagging or caring?
I have no idea.
so much of nagging.
I feel like banging my head against the wall.
after I have made my own decisions, you decide to change them.
then what's the point of asking me to make up my mind in the first place?!
might as well you just stop talking and leave me alone.
seriously.
psycho.

thanks for dropping by and may you have a blessed year ahead.
God bless you! :)

love,
Ann.

a part of growing up.

a part of growing up.
time flies.
flies faster than the speed of light.
everything just passed as if it had never happened.
as if everything was forgotten.
thinking back of the days when I was just a primary school student, wishing I could be a grown up, living my own dreams.
now I'm here.
well, this is not what I have expected.

this is the time where I get nervous.
thinking about the results that I would be getting in a few months time.
praying that God would grant me my heart's desire.
praying that there would be absolutely no mistake in marking my test papers.

this is the time, friends and family members asks :
"hey, big girl already huh? so where are you going to study? what course would you be taking?"
the amount of questions does not end there.
there are more and those questions seem to haunt you, day and night.
sometimes I get so fed up, I would just simply entertain them and make them satisfied with my answers.
even my dad is pushing me a lot lately.
come on, I have just finished my SPM, give me a break please!
can't you give me some time to enjoy my own life before my college life starts?
time is still on my side.
please.
give me a break.

driving lessons are torturing me.
terribly.
the first computer test was a piece of cake.
now, it's practical.
and oh shit, I suck at it big time.
I drove on the road the other day.
my instructor wasn't happy with me, at all.
he said it's like I have a rain cloud above my head and that I don't know what I am doing.
URGH.
I felt like kicking his ass.
he's sitting next to me, talking on the phone to someone about his girlfriend?
HEY, HELLO?! I AM DRIVING! ARE YOU GOING TO WATCH ME OR NOT?!
and then he would text and text and text.
my goodness gracious.
then he kept on pointing out my mistakes and I was getting to sick of myself.
he kept on stepping on the emergency brake when I was about to brake and yell at me and asked why didn't I brake!
OH MY GOODNESS.
for your information, I WAS ABOUT TO !
I have driving lessons again tomorrow.
*fingers crossed.*

Christmas has just passed.
I am so proud of my own performance and the day ended well.
I did make some mistakes.
and I felt really bad.
anyway, the good news is, pastor is asking me to sing with his wife a song he has written long ago.
he said he might bring me along if they are visiting any other churches to sing the song.
I feel so truly blessed.

I am currently planning on making a music video of my own.
I'm looking for musicians and someone who has a really good camera! :D
I hope it would soon be done :)

since SPM  is over, I found a job.
actually, I was offered the job.
so I have been working for the past month and been doing some silly mistakes.
I am currently teaching primary school children and they are really indescribable.
I didn't know they could be such a tough job to handle.
but I have been enjoying myself teaching them and hopefully they enjoy my company.
*patiently waiting for my salary*

a new life.
a new journey.
new friends.
some became very close.
one became the person that I love deeply.
it's funny how I've seen him so many times, thinking to myself that maybe one day I would get to know him.
maybe one day maybe he could be mine.
wish fulfilled.
it has been 16 days.
these 16 days are deeply precious to me.
because there was never a day he did not make me smile.
i love the way his smell still lingers on me even after a long time.
i love the way he holds my hand so tight as if he would not let me go.
is he the right one?
who knows?
only God does.
if i did not make this move, i would never know whether this is the right path I'm suppose to take.
try and error.
learnt a lot from mistakes made in the past.
time to cherish moments like this and not wasting any more time. :)

two more days to a new year.
a new start.
wishing everyone a blessed new year and may your wishes come true.

sincerely and lots of love,
ANN.

insanity.

Insanity.
Rough week. Rough week.
Nothing seems to be better.
All you hear is sighs and never ending sighs.
Do you know why i don't want to study here?
it's because i don't want to see your damn face anymore.
I might as well leave.
Leave. Leave. Leave.

the end of teenage dreams.

the end of teenage dreams.
this will be the last month i get to wear my uniform, white socks, white shoes, tie and badge.
tomorrow will be the last day i serve the school as a class monitor.
tomorrow is the last day to have fun.
time pass so fast.
it has been 5 years that i have dreamt to be here and now it comes to an end.
now, all that is left is THE EXAM.
have to work my ass off now.
i feel so old now.
i don't even feel like a teenager anymore.
it's almost time to step out into the real world.
scaryyyyyyyyyyyy.
will keep you updated :)
remember to stay healthy and be safe !

love,
missawesome.

put all the blame on me.

put all the blame on me.
that's all what you adults know how to do.
you want to separate then just do it.
don't tell me some bullshit saying that you all are not going to separate yet because of me and my stupid exams.
i don't give a shit to my exams thanks to you people.
do you think my exams makes more sense now?
no it doesn't!
it makes it worst!
and now i would gladly put the blame back to you.
have you seen how my results are lately?
you know it deep down that i have been worst since last year.
you know this is a fact.
have you ever thought the reason why?
no i guess not.
it is obviously because of you people.
i did not choose to come into this world, did i ?
no i didn't.
after so many times thinking that i should kill myself and end all these shit, in the end i thought to myself that i have two sisters who are counting on me later in life because basically, and obviously, both of you are of no use.
and everyday i think to myself, whether i could live happily, in a perfect family where flaws are accepted and not rejected.
i don't feel like staying here any more.
there ain't no reason why i am here.
do you know how painful it was to watch one drive away in front of a 5 year old kid when that kid did not even know what the heck was happening?
it was to the extreme only i could understand.
to hear them laugh after what had happened hurt me the most.
innocent laughs.
they just simply didn't understand.
but i did.
and it breaks my heart.
being here just breaks my heart.
you don't know how much i wish for it to mend.
you will never ever know.
because both of you are selfish people.
you never think before you do and the consequences that come chasing after your children and not you.
i wish someone would just dump me in an alley, with lots of cash, so that i could live on my own.
sometimes, i just wish that i was never chosen to be born because i simply mean nothing to you.
nothing.

i did not choose this. 

neither do you know how painful it is. 

you said you do but you never ever will. 

wish everything could be undone.

excuse me ?!

excuse me?!
what have i done to make you say those things?
you think i am being a pain in the ass?
well, look in the mirror mister.
are you that great ?
the fact is we are all awesome because we are all created in God's image.
but sadly, you just destroyed everything.
you call yourself a son of God and go around cursing everyone you can?
does that bring any good to you ?
let me bring you back early this year.
can you please think of what you have done to me ?
you have broken my heart into so many pieces i could barely even count.
you called me your 'girlfriend' then flirt with other girls?
wow.
ain't that fantastic?
and now you're calling me a b****?
oh wait oh wait.
shouldn't i be calling you that ?
you think that i don't have facebook so i wouldn't see that ?
well, you are TERRIBLY WRONG.
WRONG!
i hate you even more now.
i can't even stand taking one look at you.
you make me puke.
and yes, i shouldn't be saying all this, but i gladly think you deserved it.
i did not even do anything wrong!
and just because of that small lil thing you say that ?
i wonder why are you so famous.
you are pathetically useless.
want me to spell it for you ?
U-S-E-L-E-S-S.
not just that, you are worthless.
you lie so much i wonder who is going to stand by you in the end.
the worst thing is, i can't believe i fell for you.
and somehow, you just turned the story upside down and telling everyone lies about me and you.
why?
why could you ever do that?
I'm sorry but you are a terrible human being.
TERRIBLE.
you simply portray such a bad personality.
i seriously feel like smacking you into pieces.
i really do.
instead, I'll let God handle you.

you worthless useless creature.