shocking news.

shocking news.
well, what kind of news do you think this is ?
it is the worst kind.
i found out that i was selected for national service.
my heart fell.
yes, it literally did.
i was so anxious and comforting myself before the result was out.
but sadly i was picked.
reality did not slap me in the face so i decided to retype my identification card number again and again.
the same thing kept on appearing.
gosh. i could not believe it.
i thought i was dreaming !
i told most of my family members.
sort of actually.
my aunt told me it would be a great experience and it is maybe God's will for me to go there.
but hey, i need to be away for 3 months and i can do so much in three months !
i could have earned some money or do something else that i really love !
i would definitely be homesick.
terribly.
i guess i have to accept the fact and move on.
if it is really Go's will, i am waiting to see what are His plans for me.
i bet it would be spectacular!

school.
it has been boring without miss gorgeous.
it's like something is missing some where.
i know time will pass fast and i will see her soon :)
hope that she will enjoy her time there.
besides that, i have been laughing a lot in class.
it's as if we don't have an important exam coming up and we're laughing like mad.
is this a part of the journey or is this my laziness ?
i have not even started studying and as usual no one will believe me.
how sad can that be.
haha.
been eating a lot also lately.
i can't control myself.
i enjoy eating too much.
putting on weight is my fault and i so called wanna "lose weight".
goodness.

sometimes i wonder whether i met you by accident or is it fate ?
why is nothing happening ?
everything is so dull now.
it's like we're strangers again.
something which i wished it didn't happen.
but i can't blame you.
you're working and I'm studying.
maybe it's not meant to be.
i really wish we could work it out though.
sometimes i wonder if you stare at my pictures as much as i do ?
or if you think of me as often as i do ?
or even wish to text me as much as i do ?
I'm really scared to bother you.
and most importantly,
i miss you.
i really do.
don't ask me why.
even i don't know the reason.

just take my hand and fall in love with me again. 

waiting for miracles to happen. 

i am still waiting. 

that's all for now guess.
been very lazy to update stuff.
so yeah, thanks for dropping by and God bless all of you !

lots of love, 
miss awesome. 

hello there stranger :)

hello there stranger :)
you are a dream come true.

exams are coming !
what's new about that?
obviously i have not done anything yet.
I'm busy playing games on my phone.
and i have been day dreaming a lot, i really do mean a lot.
been imagining stuff that has 99% of not happening.
i guess i read too much of romance novels.
they drive my imaginations wild.

school has been a place of madness nowadays.
everyone is going extra nuts and it is as if we have a party every single day.
we're all laughing and gossiping non-stop.
I'm glad to have friends like that though.
they make life more interesting :)
i have also been eating a lot.
i feel so fat now.
sounds so depressing.
haha.

went for a reunion dinner last Saturday.
it was the best dinner i have ever ever been to.
it was so fun!
my friends and i were crazy as usual, the ex-students of our school thought that were insane.
well, that ain't anything new.
i hope i can upload the pictures soon :)
that Saturday was filled with laughter and joy.
and plus, EVERYONE LOOKED SUPERB !
so then i lead worship on the next day and everyone said that i have improved!
wow, love to hear that more often! :D
and i believed that God really pull me through all those stuff that i had went through on that day.
it was so awesome to feel His presence there with me.
He whispered the words "my child, i will always be with you."
i was so touched i cried.
the best sentence ever in the entire world.
i need nothing more than that.
it was perfect.

so yeah. that's about it for now.
thank you for dropping by and God bless all of you ! :)
stay healthy everyone ! :D

will you help me find true love ? 

will you help me to start believing in fairy tales again ? 

love,
miss awesome. 

i'm sorry, i can't take it anymore.

I'm sorry, i can't take it anymore.
you always corrected us when we were wrong, sometimes even when we were right.
i don't mind you correcting me when i am wrong, i am not perfect.
but when i am right, i can't even get my points straight because you are being one way street minded.
it's so annoying.
i have my rights to tell you what i did was right.
don't i ?
try looking at yourself at the mirror.
look at yourself before you judge someone else.
i am so disappointed in you till i have no words to say.
i just can't wait to get out from this place and just let go of everything.
this is really getting too much and it's starting to pile up.
one day, i am going to explode.
so i suggest you , better watch out.

got top 10 in class!
i have improved :)
but it wasn't enough.
so sad.
i guess i expected too much.

a day of relieve.
it doesn't belong to me anymore.
at last.
it's not my responsibility anymore.
superb glad.
thank you for everything you have done, thank you for those times when you stood for me.
thank you for proving to me that love does not exist.
thank you for giving me in the slap on the face to not fall to hard next time.

sports day is tomorrow.
i have no voice, i am coughing and i have flu.
oh goodness me.
i don't know how am i gonna go through it tomorrow.
i just pray that God will heal and guide me through tomorrow.
all the best to all the marching contingents!

thank you for dropping by and God bless all of you!
remember to drink lots of water and stay healthy unlike me !
and please do continue praying for the haze and the weather. :)

love, 
miss awesome.

lost in my own world.

lost in my own world.
where am i ?
i feel so lost.
sometimes, i just wish to sit at the corner of the room and cry and cry and cry.
for no reason.
i feel as if my own world is crashing down on me.

got my results back for my mid term exam.
well, as usual, it ain't satisfying.
time to put in lots of effort and time into my studies!
i did improve on some particular subjects though.
glad i passed all my exams so far.
and surprisingly, i passed my history exams!
that is so weird.
i presumed that i would fail that test.

i am now, sitting here staring into space.
well, kinda?
thinking about what i have done.
was it meant to be or was it a lesson ?
i am wondering whether i have made the right decision about things.
sometimes i just feel like whacking myself.
i knew there was something wrong somewhere.
but unfortunately, i have left it just the way it was.
dead.
it's my fault.
for falling for you.
for thinking that love was real.
for wishing that i could have you all to myself.
everything didn't turn out the way it was suppose to be.
sad to say.

went out with a close friend of mine during the holidays, here are some photos :)

had lots of fun shooting aliens and heart to heart talk :)
a truly amazing friend.

back when you were mine, 

everything turned out as it seems, 

a dream come true, 

in the end, it  proved nothing but heartache and sorrows.

thanks for dropping by and God bless all of you !
remember to stay healthy and eat well :)


love, 
miss awesome. 

life beyond what you can imagine.

life beyond what you can imagine.
sometimes, you dream too much.
sometimes, you wish too much.
sometimes, you dream and wish too much.
that's what i did.
making wishes hoping they would come true just like in movies.
sadly, they are all worthless.
i wasted a lot of my time doing things i shouldn't be doing.
in the end, i am the one who regret.
it brought me nothing but misery.

holidays are soon to be over now.
how sad.
i wish we had a month of holidays and no homework at all.
too bad i have got to finish the rest of my homework including my add math project.
how sickening.
i have been a very very lazy person.
my uncle gave me a laptop !
and it is a mini one.
it's so cool !
it is kinda outdated but i am happy to have it!
i wished to have one of these for quite some time now. :D

i am worship leading again this sunday.
i pray that everything will just go on smoothly.
and i am finally getting baptised !
feel so excited !
i finally get to do it !

so yeah, that's about it for now.
thanks for dropping by and God bless all of you !
hope you all enjoy your holidays :)

finally, i have gotten over you. 

you didn't deserve anything  at all.

love, 

miss awesome.

like dandelion dust.

like dandelion dust.
everything just disappears.
gone within your reach.
never gonna get it back.

i am really lazy to update so these are the conclusions i have made for the past one month.
happiness.
joy.
sadness.
disappointment.
love.
heartbroken.
fear.
anxiety.
crazy.
madness.
insanity.
sick.
lost.
fall.
regret.
boredom.

like dandelion dust, you were just blown away by the wind and never to be found. 

where are you now?

do you still remember me ? 

do you still think of me ?

nothing was ever worth it. 

you were there and the next thing i know, you were gone. 

what happened? 

was it suppose to happen? 

i feel like such a failure of not letting go. 

why is it so hard? 

why can't you just leave my life and leave me alone? 

that's all for now.
been very busy for the past one month.
will update more often during the holidays. :)
remember to pray for the weather !


love,
missawesome.

misery.

misery.
a day i wake up is a day closer to SPM.
gosh, just thinking about it makes me go nuts!
why do we have to sit for it anyways ?!
i hate this.
and now mid year exams are coming and i haven't even started studying yet.
nothing new.
time to start doing something that i would be proud of.

i thought things was getting better but everything is turning upside down again.
what is the point of the word 'sorry' or 'love' when both parties don't even understand the true meaning of it ?
yes , i know that we're all human and we make mistakes.
but this has gone too far.
you told me that you held on to it for so long cause of that little love you still have for each other.
but looking at it , does it make a difference ?
does that tiny bit of love make a difference ?
i don't see any difference.
i don't understand why don't you just end this and stop going through all these shit that you have to go through ?
isn't 18 years enough already ?


April 11th.
miss gorgeous' birthday !
weehoooooooo.
had a tiny surprise for her.
glad she enjoyed every single moment.
i am lazy to update about it.
waiting for the pictures to be uploaded.
:)


sick of this.
sick of life.
in the end, i ain't giving up.

<3,
miss awesome.

unexpected feelings.

unexpected feelings.

today is Easter !
i had lots of fun with my dear juniors organizing the Easter event in my school.
it was a success !
though the number wasn't very big, we all know that He was there watching over us.
we went to parade after that to party !
i felt so comfortable with them , we're like a big family.
i feel the love between us and it feels awesome. :)


you are such a bastard.
if you knew you couldn't love me then why be with me in the first place?
you only thought you could let it go but in the end you still couldn't.
right ?
we have dragged it for 3 months !
i don't know why you couldn't tell me the truth.
i gave you so many chances !
thank goodness, i am over you.
so over you.
and it seems now you're trying to chase someone else ?
i wish your future girlfriend good luck then.
because being with you is a huge mistake.


i am still waiting.
waiting for your answer :)


thanks for dropping by and God bless all of you !
Happy Easter Day everyone ! :D


<3,
miss awesome.